deeply . truely [P.U.S.H]

i hate how this family can never get into argument without threatening each other. insulting each other. i don’t like how we get into arguments all the time in the first place.. i really don’t know how much i can take of this, i don’t have a say yet.. because im “too young” and because it’s an adults thing not for kids to interferer with.. i don’t know.. i sorta don’t agree with it, because i am majoring affected in the outcome.. i just want the family to be able to be happy and be able to talk to each other, like a typical family -- thats my ulitimate wish.. =)
i would so dearly want this family to stay together.. its beyond words can tell...


[to all readers (?) if u read that .. srry. just sudden.. its like.. a middle of a story.. that i dont want to finish.]

i don’t know how im suppose to feel..

what am I suppose to do?

without loosing the little that I have left…

could those memories not scare me to keep trying…

if I tried.. would I fail again?

would I fall so hard..again?

would my past come haunt me again?

how much would this ruin me getting through this..

what have I done to get all this,

what would of prevented this?

is there something that could prevent this?

is it my fault…

how many more chances will I have to give this?

how happy would I be after this..

and how long will it last..

when will the next time be, the next time actually i can smile with my heart...

why is it that whatever the situation, ignoring how much i was hurt, i will always be the one to give in first, i can't stand someone mad at me, and i can never stay mad at someone for long. whether you're right and im wrong, or vice versa, im always willing to do the apologizing. Ive been told, that, thats how you get hurt more easily... but what can i say... its just what i do...

i do it knowing that i'll get hurt. But i still do it anyway, to find that little joy

instead of grudge the whole way... i strive for peace, and a smile,

... even if it's only a little bit...

-Crystalkong