i really dont know how to cope with all this anymore.. i have no support from anywhere. I dont have time to rest and think anything through.. everything is hitting me at the speed of light.
i dont even want to hear anything. i need to get away.. but i dont have the place to go.. neither do i have the time.
the best i can do is put my head phones and blow the music.. so loud that i just cant hear anything. not even my thoughts.. hurts the ears it seems.. but really.. it seems pretty calming at the moment. im so stressed and bottled up i just want to cry.. but those tears wont even fall.. or it falls uncontrolablely.
this is havoc with my head i cant think i cant hear anything. my ears feel like their going to explode, and at times i cant breathe.. my vision starts to blur, there's a clench in my chest and i feel like im just about to pass out, which at that moment seems pretty pleasant; i'd rather feel nothing at all.
i start to question if im slightly insane...
i really need the summer to come fast.. so at least i have a load off my mind; school. but not including that i still have a lot to deal with..
hardest thing is to put up that smile everyday, i dont want others to worry, makes me feel guilty, why bother others with your problems? no one really understands, simply because they arent you. only God understands me.. but its like he isnt here for me. and what i believe, everyone has their own unique set of fingerprints, different than everyone else’s; showing that we’re all different people, different people live different lives, and everyone has to get through things on their own. im not sure how i can link them in words.. but somehow i have them linked in my head..
