timmy girls

arent being the sisters/best friends that they're suppose to be.
thanks for the looks guys.
or thanks for just plain ignoring me.

give it a think && appreicate everyone

alfred. died on his 18th birthday. run over by a car backing out in a parking lot

i dont know this guy. and neither did my friend that told me about it. this guy was only friend of a few friends.. though neither me nor the one that told me actually know him, it still touched us and made us unhappy and at least changed the mood that day.
i found out when she was talking on the phone with me.. and asked me what i would do to tell her friend that doesnt know about this tragedy yet. i tried so hard to comfort her and give her some type of advice.. but i was blank.. all i had was.. pray. and GOD can help you and your friend.

while all this, i was also trying to reply posts on the very popular facebook. and on the left of the post box, there was this really popular appliciation -- the "Top Friends" application. it really got me thinking. that application's main function is to prove that you favor certain people, and who they are. and i thought.. i really dont think that a list like that could possibly hold all the people that have made a positive influence in one's life.. its one way to exclude..

then i thought back to my conversation.

i think that it would break down my world so much if any of my friends, even people who would be on my "Top Friends" list, just left me one day. doesnt matter how close we were. they made a difference in my life for the better.

and this qoute came to my mind: "people walk in and out of your life.. but friends leave footprints in your heart" i'm sure you've heard of it.. but just think it through again..

RIP ALFRED

2nd softball practice

sunday.june10.o7 was my second one.. ^^
the few of us (omega order xD) crystal, cavina, ankie, agnes went in wesssW's car.. and we went through mcdilly's drive thru.. mcflurries! + root beer.. mmmmmmm
when we got there, there were barely anyone their.. but then we all got "VP" time.. batting practice... i think... = / everyone got to practice batting! =DD i learned how to batt! yes.. very happy with myself.. tho im not good .. but i know what ur basically suppose to do.. ^^
&& guess what??? --NO INJURIES!
anyway.. later we split into twoo practice groups... around eiiight people each.. but omegaa's side sorta deteriorated if you ask me.. but at the end it was pretty okies.. later nelson drove us (same list) home.. yes.. ROAD TRIP TO BOONIE LAND! i think we scared my neighbors the amount we were yelling.. ==" but its all ok! xD but before road trip.. we had another trip to mcdillies.. for 2 chicken wraps + med fries, and twoo mcchicken combos.. why i remember the order i'll never know... o_O.. but yes.. we chugged the iced tea and got a refill! xD too azn.. and yes.. then off the boonie land! .. .. the end. =)

first softball practice

[super extremely delayed post]

may27.o7 would be the first softball practice i've gone to this year. first i knew there was a practice that day.. got all my stuff, but didnt ask my dad, afraid to hear his response. so i stalled and asked him almost right before we were suppose to head home.. but the point is -- i got to go!! =DD after to celebrate, agnes and i made nelson drive us to get food.. at wendy's! mmmm... when we got back.. we got ray to drive us to the park we were practicing at; maryvale. it was quite a practice.. i learned much.. like the 90 degrees thing that we did with our legs to catch grounders.
accidents.. i got a cut on the knee for kneeling my knee on the gravel.. didnt think it would cut through so much... then i got hit with a flying softball on my hip.. but it didnt hurt. ^^ but the serious injury of the day was cavina! she was apparently playing with her hand and a high ball hit her right on the head. ><" ouchh.. other memos.. katy the photographer! she came but refused to play.. so now she's our number one fan and photographer! awesome-nessss =)

this was sorta short.. but still..

day two of disaster

i really dont know how to cope with all this anymore.. i have no support from anywhere. I dont have time to rest and think anything through.. everything is hitting me at the speed of light.

i dont even want to hear anything. i need to get away.. but i dont have the place to go.. neither do i have the time.

the best i can do is put my head phones and blow the music.. so loud that i just cant hear anything. not even my thoughts.. hurts the ears it seems.. but really.. it seems pretty calming at the moment. im so stressed and bottled up i just want to cry.. but those tears wont even fall.. or it falls uncontrolablely.

this is havoc with my head i cant think i cant hear anything. my ears feel like their going to explode, and at times i cant breathe.. my vision starts to blur, there's a clench in my chest and i feel like im just about to pass out, which at that moment seems pretty pleasant; i'd rather feel nothing at all.

i start to question if im slightly insane...

i really need the summer to come fast.. so at least i have a load off my mind; school. but not including that i still have a lot to deal with..

hardest thing is to put up that smile everyday, i dont want others to worry, makes me feel guilty, why bother others with your problems? no one really understands, simply because they arent you. only God understands me.. but its like he isnt here for me. and what i believe, everyone has their own unique set of fingerprints, different than everyone else’s; showing that we’re all different people, different people live different lives, and everyone has to get through things on their own. im not sure how i can link them in words.. but somehow i have them linked in my head..