i can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.

- Maya Angelou

RIP toto

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe

i guess i can say that that’s what happened; a relationship fell apart, and a better fuzzy companion fell into my lap..

— but what if the “better thing” then came and took away a good thing that i had from before?

I’m entirely made of flaws, tied together with good intentions.

i wanted something, i wanted zeus. so i took responsibility for everything. but i didnt mean for it to —

toto (sept30.06 - feb1.11) on our mid-construction stairs. iloveyou.

.

‘hugo consumtion of chocolate. ‘now for the endorphins to kick in.

—i sound like a drug addict. but i dont care

wishful heart?

i have a perseverant heart. and i kinda hate it. i dont like this inner force that makes me pessimistic but at the same time, still very optimistic. the feeling or thinking that, if i try hard enough, if i put all my heart into it -it would work out.

i should of learned that life isnt like that. but my heart refuses to learn the lesson. i wish i could give up on love sometimes. it really hurts down deep. just give up til i know i wont let myself get hurt.

but whats all this, wishful thinking. and that my friend. gets me no where.

wish

maybe you were right.. the whole thing about wishing..

i might be a bit naive, or just too hopeful for my own good..

i dont believe that wishing gets me anywhere; like i dont actually believe that wishing on 11:11, on shooting stars and all those things will grant me what i want, or just wishing.. but a part of me still wants to believe that maybe it will, and that theres no harm in wishing anyway..

but lately, i really dont even bother; whenever i wish anything, i’d think about what it is that i want, and from there it just grows, usually ends up growing into self caused heartbreaking disappointment.

gotta love how i do these things to myself… x_X

“Every song has a memory. Every song has the ability to make or break your heart.”

distract me from myself.

i miss working.. or just going out with people. anyone for any reason - even if its just to school studying.

i have to force myself to be happy, appear happy cause i have to be for work; leave all your own moods behind when youre at work. when im out with friends, i dont want others to worry over me, or turn the mood blue just cause i am. so i pretend to be happy, dont get me wrong, i am happy being with everyone, i just dont let other things ruin my mood.

its like within the time im pretending that im happy, i convince myself that i am.

being alone is good, but not for too long. its like i get sucked into this downward spiral that i make for myself.. my own mind is a dangerous place for me to explore alone..

take me out - distract me from myself..