` burning tears

the tears in these eyes
burn like acid on one's skin.
it holds in
wont fall..
wont drop til it fills my eye
and every drop that falls
holds pain and confusion
i scream to make the buzz in my ears go away
only for it to grow louder
can't take it anymore, go away!
cant take it anymore, go away i scream
the buzz softens..
the heart beats slows down
and the last of my tears
bring hope and faith

-crystal

makes up for it all

... how much i hate the puffy eyes.. garbage beside me full of tissues soaked in tears, sleeves soaked in tears.. and how i can't breathe calmly.. think normally..
have done a year's worth of crying all in 2 weeks.. i dont even use the tissue boxes anymore.. i use the roll of tissue.. lasts so much longer..
so yea.. today expecially has made up for all the better days i've had this week.. i was so happy thinking that i've gotten though finally.. when i just figured i'm not nearly there yet.
school. parents. friends. once again... school -- for no reason whatsoever... my teacher hates me. i promise that i didn't do anything.. i was so sure i decided to ask ppl.. do you think i did something to make Kahn (science teacher) hate me??? no.. no.. no.
parents.. the constant arguement.. that keeps me from wanting to stay in this house... the more i get yelled at.. the more i cry.. the more i cry.. the more i hate this house that im in.. and the more i want to leave.. haven’t had a single day.. with no arguments for a long . long time.. still waiting for that day..

children's worship

Childrens' Worship // team 3 // first week
WhOa! children’s worship – tough crowd.. and doesn’t really help that im almost the only one singing.. >_> (out of the three also on stage) man.. anyone wanna make it less awkward? this week, we're going to try vbs songs.. so we have music.. hope that workss.. *fingers crossed*

this week is pretty weird.. quite quite.. i have no idea whether im happy or not.. its like my quiet week.. i haven’t said much.. unless its necessary.. like im mute.. not exactly sad n not exactly happy.. can’t wait til i go off the walls happy..

anyway.. i go off to do some hw.. and find a smile.. though its sorta hard through hw eh? hmm..

P.S.

hmm...i think i left out a point.. which will make previous posts a little bit.. awkward or, me over doing it.. which i may when i'm upset... but a lot of what i can do, and whatever, has been restricted because of school.. still not so clear.. my parents, and their views on school determines what i can do.. and i couldn't say i'm going great -- this still nay be unclear.. but you have an idea..
and today was a pretty good day =DDD though i made it late to period 3 -___- (had to go home for lunch) but that's nothing after last week..
so.. me = =DD

Footprints in the Sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamedhe was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path ofhis life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the verylowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

"The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."