so this is why

for the last situation that happened, friendship vs. relationship was challenged, and unfortunately relationship won. i was lucky enough to be put in the least unfortunate spot in the roles in the situation.. i was hurt . confused . and just stressed through the whole time the problem was on.. during the whole time, i was constantly asking God why it was happening, and especially, why me?

so it was just last night when i think my question was answered.. i was put in almost the same situation again.. and this time, my role was the one with more choices, i could be selfish but happy, or use what i learned from my last experience.. and feel a bit unsatisfied but feel that i have done something good. and thats what i choose, i chose to feel slightly unsatisfied, but feel that i did the right thing to protect my friend's feelings as best as i can..

i just pray that i am going to be able to pull it through, i know its not going to be easy.. and since im havent had the time to fully recover from the last thing.. its just going to be that much harder.. and thats where i pray to God that he'd be there to guide me through, doing what's rite.

videos

i do suggest you watch it, good and short : )

This is the Truth ;;
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pZZI_coePtc

Skit/dance;;
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=139f9c4c0036b123ee12

The Dash;;
http://www.simpletruths.com/dash/index.html

imu mommy+auntie wenda

mommy's almost coming home! well thats what i heard from my aunt last nite(sept29th...) and wow.. so much to take in under fifteen minutes..

i was talking to my aunt in hong kong through webcam.. my aunt has cancer for the second time, final stage, limited time on earth, chemo.. seeing her just broke my heart... i missed her so much.. and she looked so weak and so sick.. she says she's feeling better, but not even comparable from the last time i've seen her in person... so i asked the dumb question.. "how are you feeling?" she struggled answering me.. and she just showed me her hands... aged.. and nails turned blueblack.. it just broke my heart seeing her like this... she was always the one who had it altogether.. and always happy..
then she asked me.. "have you been praying for me?" --i answered yes.. and she just doubted.. and asked again.. i insured her that i have [cause i have] so then she asked.. "then why isnt it working?" --i just didnt have the guts to say.. not to her.. not on webcam.. what i think i should of said.. i ended up mumbling and not answering at all.. i wasnt ready for that question.. she repeatedly asked again.. and still i didnt know how i can say it.. or anything for that matter.. i wasnt prepared..

then the conversation pretty much ended.. no one was talking.. no one knew what else to say.. then i asked where mom was.. she didnt answer me.. but she asked me.. "does your mom go to church back in canada?" i wasnt expecting that question.. and neither was i able to predict what she was going to say.. i said.. yea.. sometimes.. and thats when she said.. well, she changed a lot.. she woke up early and went to church today.. so she's not here.. i was really surprised.. and worried too.. she doesnt normally go.. so i was just surprised.. and if she was going.. something really big must be bothering her a lot.. i miss her so much. <3


God give me the wisdom to tell her the right things.. <3

confushionn

im really confused...
of our relationship.
are we friends anymore?
if we are, what's the definition for our friendship..?
because i dont see it, feel it..
everything that happens feels awkward, or its done coldly, or no feeling at all..

this feels like a lie. or some kind of pity act... im not sure..

im not sure if im the only one that still has this thing burned into my head... and its next to all i think about..
you think we're ok..
how is it ok? we never solved it.. we waited it out..
and i guess you find it ok because in the situation, you didnt loose as much as i did.
you didnt get as hurt as i did..

if you want to leave it as is. its fine. but waiting it out isnt the best way i know.
but if we talk about it, is it going to end up being a fight?
i dont want to fight. not with you.

as people say.. --what's the deal?

i miss you, the old you.

dangg.
cant believe it. best friends. to almost worst enemies.
not said. but its known.
you said a lot of things that you didnt mean. i meant everything i said, and i expected the same from you. it was a serious thing, and there was no joking involved.

i dont know what to think of you anymore.

i miss you, the old you.