not meant for me

so here i am, still at this thing

asked a question i really wasnt ready to answer,
but im really glad i was asked it..

i just wish i knew what i was doing..
and that i can stick to whatever i had in mind..
but i suck at sticking to my own plans, at least it seems this way in my situation..

im not going to go mess with someone elses life,
whether im capable of it or not, i dont want to try.

just random thoughts that you can read but not understand 0=)

what im up to... or why im doing what im doing...

i guess its time to post my draft..
but i cant find it -_-

but yea.. everyone thinks that theres something going on with me and him
(yea. him. i dont like using names in my blogs cause - not a good idea. bad experience)
through my eyes nothing is going on. but i know why you think the way you do.
*prays to God that he doesnt go on this and read and figures that its him..*


this all kinda starts relating TC.
when i found out who was on my team, some of the members of the team found out shortly(tho they shouldnt of -_-)
but someone warned me about one, and of his.. "condition" or his "state"?
i took it and considered it, but without a face and just the name, i forgot really soon.

so i met him during sr TC. he was in my group. i actually didnt notice he was him til the end, when she reminded me of him and asked what i thought. i totally forgot. (whoops..)
but since we were first told to continue communicating with our group - i did.
but then i personally already had that in mind, since i thought it was necessary, and the difference it seemed to make comparing with the previous year. NO communication. and TC dropped dead within the end of the week TC took place.
so i started to talk to my group individually.. and uhh continue learning their names (im not that good with names..)
so when i got to him, his name and his face finally clicked (dude. im slow, leave me alone)
getting to know him, i started to actually see a lot of myself in him,
we're both really.. stupid.
dont think its a good thing to just tell stuff about him here, since i know.. stuff. (errr)
but yea. i found that he was one of those kids that were forced to go to TC.. his dad signed him up.
so one thing i learned about him that i just cant seem to get out of my mind.. that he believed that there is a God, but doesnt believe that he can do much for him.
it kinda stuck me like.. what? i mean, thats like the one thing i feel from Him the most!
so he knows that God loves him. but doesnt believe it.
he has a past. and i guess i can see why he thinks this way because of it.

something else i learned. he's stubborn and can really close up on people if they dont do the right thing.
he trusts few. and since he trusts me, i want to bring him to know God, and feel his love.
how im going to do that is really unknown, and im just waiting for God to show me how.
i dont know what to do yet. and i just dont want him to shut me out.
explaining why im trying to get to know him, leaving him practically no time to get to know me.. (my bad)
anyway, yea to what someone said/asked in the car today, its only cause i know that he doesnt think of me as anything and that its all just brotherly sisterly.
no. we're not dating, he has a gf as of today actually. im just his really beloved gah jei thats like a mui mui..

*car ppl msg me on msn/fb or email... whatever suits youu

challenging a miracle

so now that my aunt lives over the doctor given expiry date,
we discover that her cancer now spread to her liver also.
on an avg, most patients live only a month after discovering so.


she's a miracle to begin with.
so strong.
but this cancer is deteriorating her both physically. mentally. again..
lost of hair.
nails grow black.

she's not Christian. she's just trying everything to get well again..
she's accepted Christ last time she was diagnosed with (breast)cancer..
but when she survived through that, she pushed God away..
she strives to be independent.
even when she's weak, she doesnt want to accept help..

when she was well, she would ask me in the most sarcastic tone:
"hows this church of yours?"
how insulted i was, knowing He has spared her once. as she pushed Him away..
how bad i felt, its requited love; He loves her, yet she doesnt know, or care?

how can i show her that she needs Him in her life?
how can i show her that she shouldnt ditch after she makes it through?
how can i show her commitment?

i love her so much, and i cant stand to see her not seeing the beauty of God in her life..


--i ask you to pray for her, that God would work his miracles on her, as man's medication has proven useless once again.

Disclaimer:

stolen from willio : ) thanksyouuu : P

Disclaimer:
The following TC REC presentation may offend the following people. Viewer discretion is advised.

fobs
nerds
band geeks
computer geeks
normal geeks
geeky geeks
losers
loners
those with A.D.D.
the hearing impaired
the blind
the mute
the lame in both senses
ugly people
pretty people
or both... pretty ugly people
smelly people
tall people
short people
round people
square people
or fat people
the socially awkward
the popular crew
the jocks
creepy people
real stalkers
fake stalkers
facebook stalkers
(what's the difference really?)
Chinese people and their moms
whites
blacks
Michael Jacksons
those who think and want to be black
browns
purples
reds
oranges
apples
bananas
natives
team captains
worship team
A/V crew
and of course TC media
people with weird laughs
those who can't dance
people who believe lyrical dancing is cool
nerds who pick their noses
people who pick their noses
fobs who do the fob pose
people who carry keyboards in their pants
people who wear suspenders
Gollum
Gollum lovers
people who listen to chinese worship songs
guys who wear heels
people who wear pantyhoses on their heads
kitchen staff
afc table
SMU
people at TC
coaches
TC REC
graphic designers
the Amish
Mormons
Catholics
hot girls
ugly girls
in between girls
hot boys
ok boys
"not so sure of what they are" boys
American Idols
Canadian Idols
Idols in the "East"
Calvinists
Arminians
fundamentalists
Charismatics who speak in tongues
"homies"
people who think they're "in"
...but really aren't
people who have "funny" theology
radical thinkers on the "left wing"
conservative thinkers on the "right wing"
people who think way "out there"
irrational post-modernists
people who use facebook
and finally...
YOUR FACE!

testing friendship

we've been pretty much best friends since grade 7
and we've never had a big fight,
we never grew much apart..

and now in grade 11, 4 years after we've met,
we face a possibility of not being so close anymore, is it now that we start growing away from each other?

my friends pregnant.
with her ex's baby.
most friends would ditch, especially when she's keeping that baby.
a lot of people are avoiding her now, even if they're not, they talk about her and think badly of her.

i dont know... but i heard this quote before..

--love them when they least deserve it, cause thats when they need it the most.

i just think that its really true,
when you did something wrong and you dont know what to do,
you want to talk to someone about it, but everyone judges you and wants nothing to do with you
it may be an accident, it may be on purpose,
but as long as you know that its wrong and made the wrong move.
i think that its important to have someone there so that can help you back on your feet again.

so even through this time when people leave, i choose to stay and accompany you.


--im going to be an auntieee at the age of 17.. DUDEEE