when you're in a big group, you're always cut off when you're talking. no one listens to your advice. you either are talked about behind your back or ppl don't even know you're there to talk about you. i'm never first priority. but last. anywhere, with anyone. i think i'm just i'm born with it. even not seeing me for 7 yrs, they won't talk to you for more than 2 minutes. is it that i'm not cool enough? or am i just too weird to comprehend half the time. am i not liked? if so what am i doing wrong?
oh nevermind, i think im nuts, or too lonely here..... srry for wasting your dear time reading this..
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
banquet.or.nobanquet...
when dreams . hopes . are broken, whether its only little things. it hurts so much.. like the up coming softball banquet. its not too important that i go or not, since i didn't even play this year, but still, it hurts that much. like.. all day, i would b like.. i want to go...
[and if you want to know, i don't know if i'm going anymore, i thought i was, agnes was going to treat me as a welcome back present, but then just today, i heard through my friend, ray that my dad is saying no. it isn't the biggest thing of my life, but it still seems that important, so important that you can have a fit all day.]
is it that i'm still a little kid? or just so desparate to be with my friends? or is it because my over protective parents that won't let me go anywhere, so when i do, its like so exciting?
but anyway, still not sure what i'm going to do, mom said yes, dad says no. i don't know, i don't know at all. and not like i'm in the mood to persuade as i'm trying to persuade myself that i'm happy and that i just love hong kong.
its just awesome how so many problems pops up or catches up with me all when i'm on vacation and when i'm trying to relax, or, try something new. i want to go home, but i don't want to argue with dad to let me go.
i'm 15 dad, maybe at least you can relax when i go out with church ppl.. hopefully.. can't wait til sweet 16, maybe then...
[and if you want to know, i don't know if i'm going anymore, i thought i was, agnes was going to treat me as a welcome back present, but then just today, i heard through my friend, ray that my dad is saying no. it isn't the biggest thing of my life, but it still seems that important, so important that you can have a fit all day.]
is it that i'm still a little kid? or just so desparate to be with my friends? or is it because my over protective parents that won't let me go anywhere, so when i do, its like so exciting?
but anyway, still not sure what i'm going to do, mom said yes, dad says no. i don't know, i don't know at all. and not like i'm in the mood to persuade as i'm trying to persuade myself that i'm happy and that i just love hong kong.
its just awesome how so many problems pops up or catches up with me all when i'm on vacation and when i'm trying to relax, or, try something new. i want to go home, but i don't want to argue with dad to let me go.
i'm 15 dad, maybe at least you can relax when i go out with church ppl.. hopefully.. can't wait til sweet 16, maybe then...
Saturday, August 12, 2006
friends
by the way. i'm stopping on the daily posts... you can read it in my book later - when i get back...
but friends. you either know how special friends are, are not. even if you don't. im sure you have gotten quite a few of those forwards of poems and stories on friends. its all touching. but you don't fully feel it until you have to loose your friends and know how it feels to have no friends at your side. i, on this vacation now love all my friends even more than i ever did. i've always loved my friends more than average i guess because of, once again, experience. but after or still, during my vacation to hong kong, i really dearly love and miss my friends.
i'm here in hong kong for exactly 67 days; 9 and a half weeks. no friends, and everyone around me are people that i hardly know. people that i haven't seen in at least 8 years. its scary. its depressing. all my friends are on the other side of the world, i hear everything that is happening and im not, can't be, part of it. instead im stuck in a city that i barely recognise, and can't locate myself in. i have my mother. but really, its like she's not here. she knows and catches up with people that she hasn't seen, as i am there, quite litterally tagging along, with no choice. knowing me, im more energetic than quiet. here, i have said little, and have thought more than i've done in a very long time. it's hard to keep all that, energy, happiness in, or not having it at all, not being able to smile willingly, or laugh, not to put on a show, but truely from my heart.
try. it's hard. and it may be alike to those forward emails that you get. and maybe not even because my writing isn't that... well, since its hard to think too clearly when you have so many thoughts going through your head. but try to imagine how it would feel to have no friends around you. in a city you barely know. for so long. as everyone around you are having fun, you aren't. and you haven't smilied from your heart in so long. it'll drive you crazy.
i don't really have time to exactly express how i feel. but i am being kicked off.
miss you all terribly. love you all. miss you all.
but friends. you either know how special friends are, are not. even if you don't. im sure you have gotten quite a few of those forwards of poems and stories on friends. its all touching. but you don't fully feel it until you have to loose your friends and know how it feels to have no friends at your side. i, on this vacation now love all my friends even more than i ever did. i've always loved my friends more than average i guess because of, once again, experience. but after or still, during my vacation to hong kong, i really dearly love and miss my friends.
i'm here in hong kong for exactly 67 days; 9 and a half weeks. no friends, and everyone around me are people that i hardly know. people that i haven't seen in at least 8 years. its scary. its depressing. all my friends are on the other side of the world, i hear everything that is happening and im not, can't be, part of it. instead im stuck in a city that i barely recognise, and can't locate myself in. i have my mother. but really, its like she's not here. she knows and catches up with people that she hasn't seen, as i am there, quite litterally tagging along, with no choice. knowing me, im more energetic than quiet. here, i have said little, and have thought more than i've done in a very long time. it's hard to keep all that, energy, happiness in, or not having it at all, not being able to smile willingly, or laugh, not to put on a show, but truely from my heart.
try. it's hard. and it may be alike to those forward emails that you get. and maybe not even because my writing isn't that... well, since its hard to think too clearly when you have so many thoughts going through your head. but try to imagine how it would feel to have no friends around you. in a city you barely know. for so long. as everyone around you are having fun, you aren't. and you haven't smilied from your heart in so long. it'll drive you crazy.
i don't really have time to exactly express how i feel. but i am being kicked off.
miss you all terribly. love you all. miss you all.
July 31. o6
today, was supposedly the day i get to take a break and relax, since we've been so busy every single day.. but around 10, my aunt calls me to go over, so we buss there, we play uno, cards, then gives me a bathing suit, and was like, i got it 4 u a while ago, but forgot to give it to you all this time... so we go swimming in the outdoor pool at the hotel that she lives at. such a beautiful beautiful pool, cute lifeguards too. =P kill me.. anyway. so we swam, and i entertained the kids til it was dark, then by the time we got back to the room, it was like 11, we didn't really think it was reasonable to take the late buss that costed more, home, then bus back here again tomorrow, for bbq+swimm so we stay over night. and i go downstairs at 2:24in the morning to blog this.
July 19, o6
today, well, what a day, last night i slept at a relatives place, ming's. she's around 9 months older than me, (self reminder, birthday in november) we went touring around in the area, loads of fun, and sweating buckets, its steaming hot here, its a small old village, but has a goregeous beach and very homie. last night, we went out, late at night, to the beach, we lied down, aunt, mom and me, and we looked at stars, so calming, *ugh* other than the fact that we were covered in sand and was all salty. We went to a public washroom to wash our feet off, but then decided to wash our hair too. note that the showers where not in anywhere, but out in the open, it was so funny, these guys kept walking past looking. we ended up being fully soaked, it was so funny how screwed up we looked, we were laughing histaricly. the guys decide to sit there and stare... o_O but so memorable, like seriously, we looked insane or high or something. love the beach. love the beach. going to go swimming again at some other beach i heard. oh yea. i got flip flops. PINK PANTHER flip flops!! =DDD loveeee them. had sushi too. got home to ming's place at around 3 in the morning. =DDD lol.. it was so funn tho. what a day.
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