` So i cry

here it comes.. all at once.. 3 blogs in a day.. but haven't blogged since.. who knows when before..

So i cry
So what that i cry,
i'm admitting.
i'm always first to cry
during
movies, songs...
over
pictures, memories
people
i'll do the crying..

School...

So here I go to class. I don’t have any close friends in any of my classes, but I know them all, like they’re all familiar faces because I’ve seen them in previous years. As they talk and laugh with each other, I sit there starring at my paper, or a teacher. I’ve never been so silent – everyone says that im shy and quiet. That they hardly know I’m there. I know cause I AM hardly there. I don’t belong. Its like.. bear, cat, dog, fish, banana. I’m the banana. The one that doesn’t fit in. So I look at the clock, then the teacher, then the papers. Its like so quiet for me sometimes that I just fully want to scream, dance around, and be able to socialize, and be me without awkward looks… glares..But then its like.. I do have friends.. but like, not there anymore. My friends gone all.. extreme rock.. and I’m not so much like that.. so there I go again.. awkwardness. Its like.. there’s a problem with everything.. problems that I can withstand for a while.. but really, I don’t have the mad patience and do that all year long.. >< anyway.. yea..seeing school so cruely…

` love child

well, definitely haven't been blogging in a long while...
either its no time, not allowed online, not at home, or busy with homework.
that happens to be my life.
and here is a 'poem' (???) that i wrote... yesterday? i think so..

Love Child
its really sweet of you,
to name me,
love child.
But then,
I don't deserve it,
I give the love
~ getting nothing back..

Thats only Half. love child.

last priority.

when you're in a big group, you're always cut off when you're talking. no one listens to your advice. you either are talked about behind your back or ppl don't even know you're there to talk about you. i'm never first priority. but last. anywhere, with anyone. i think i'm just i'm born with it. even not seeing me for 7 yrs, they won't talk to you for more than 2 minutes. is it that i'm not cool enough? or am i just too weird to comprehend half the time. am i not liked? if so what am i doing wrong?
oh nevermind, i think im nuts, or too lonely here..... srry for wasting your dear time reading this..

banquet.or.nobanquet...

when dreams . hopes . are broken, whether its only little things. it hurts so much.. like the up coming softball banquet. its not too important that i go or not, since i didn't even play this year, but still, it hurts that much. like.. all day, i would b like.. i want to go...

[and if you want to know, i don't know if i'm going anymore, i thought i was, agnes was going to treat me as a welcome back present, but then just today, i heard through my friend, ray that my dad is saying no. it isn't the biggest thing of my life, but it still seems that important, so important that you can have a fit all day.]

is it that i'm still a little kid? or just so desparate to be with my friends? or is it because my over protective parents that won't let me go anywhere, so when i do, its like so exciting?

but anyway, still not sure what i'm going to do, mom said yes, dad says no. i don't know, i don't know at all. and not like i'm in the mood to persuade as i'm trying to persuade myself that i'm happy and that i just love hong kong.

its just awesome how so many problems pops up or catches up with me all when i'm on vacation and when i'm trying to relax, or, try something new. i want to go home, but i don't want to argue with dad to let me go.

i'm 15 dad, maybe at least you can relax when i go out with church ppl.. hopefully.. can't wait til sweet 16, maybe then...