i'm weird.. beyond normal-ness... i seriously have no idea how i feel.. this month? i've been wondering around school.. home.. wherever i am.. feeling.. absolutely nothing.. so yes.. if you asked me how i was doing.. i used default answer : finee.. or good..
its like i decide to not feel bad.. yet i can't feel good... cuz i have barely any reason to be.. so i dont show emotion.. and my friends at school thinks that im a walking zombie.. = T
i can't wait until this is over once again.. its weird. i can never blog my "feelings"?? like i always somehow change it around.. so that its just pure rants.. i dont get myself.. i have talk.. i can poem-ize it sometimes.. but i can't blog my feelings.. i end up saying it differently.. another problem with me... hmm... mm.. discovering more and more about myself.. not always so positive thos.. ickks..
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
bettahh..
i think my moods are getting happierr!
goodness me.. how happy i am.. funny how actrully i have no idea why im happy.. i shouldn't be because its sorta worst than before.. xS situation wise..what im guessing.. my head just isnt letting me b all ='(( i hate myself being all gloomy anyway.. have a feeling that its going to bottle up... cuz i cant express how i feel today.. that how it usually goes... = T
-- this blog makes no sense.. srry for wasting ur time! pshh.. what am i talking about.. no one reads it! xD other than dear jenns tho.. love yous! <333
goodness me.. how happy i am.. funny how actrully i have no idea why im happy.. i shouldn't be because its sorta worst than before.. xS situation wise..what im guessing.. my head just isnt letting me b all ='(( i hate myself being all gloomy anyway.. have a feeling that its going to bottle up... cuz i cant express how i feel today.. that how it usually goes... = T
-- this blog makes no sense.. srry for wasting ur time! pshh.. what am i talking about.. no one reads it! xD other than dear jenns tho.. love yous! <333
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Just P.U.S.H!
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man He had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders ser squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with al of his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “you have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, “Why kill yourself over this?” “Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.” That’s what he planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. “Lord,” he said, “ I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?” The Lord responded compassionately. “My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that the task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with all your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is it really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your b=hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your wisdom. This you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock.”
At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains.
When everything seems to go wrong ….. just P.U.S.H!
When the job gets you down ….. just P.U.S.H!
When people don’t react the way you think they should ….. just P.U.S.H!
When people just don’t understand you ….. just P.U.S.H!
P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens
Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: “you have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn’t moved.” Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, “Why kill yourself over this?” “Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.” That’s what he planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. “Lord,” he said, “ I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?” The Lord responded compassionately. “My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that the task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with all your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is it really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your b=hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your wisdom. This you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock.”
At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains.
When everything seems to go wrong ….. just P.U.S.H!
When the job gets you down ….. just P.U.S.H!
When people don’t react the way you think they should ….. just P.U.S.H!
When people just don’t understand you ….. just P.U.S.H!
P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens
Saturday, November 25, 2006
wonder ponderr
i always wondered this i read it often and i read it often, that parents are role models and they have experienced what you’re going through, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with me though.
so for example, i feel that sometimes its only normal if i had a chance to relax, spend time out with so friends, instead of always being in a book, she goes on about how she only wishes to do so and that she never got the chance, i understand that perhaps she never got the chance for education without being pulled out to work, but she’s a different person than me, i can’t sit there for days with a pencil in my hand, writing and writing.. i was never really the one that was quiet and sat there a lot, but the one constantly running around, did she not see it then that i wasn’t going to be the still one?
eating, even how to eat a certain food.. no, that wont be good with ketchup, have it with this sauce gravy.. its almost like im being controlled like a doll, and she doesn’t say it as an opinion or suggestion, but as a command, she’ll start yelling if i continue using ketchup..
there are so many things that we can never agree upon, not only do we not agree, but we argue, and yell, and it hurts that i can barely ever have a decent long conversation with them before we break into an argument, we never solve it, so we’ll walk right back into it some other time.
im really sick of the routine, i talk to my mom about it, she doesn’t agree, she goes on about what i feel is wrong, and that what she is telling is right. it makes me feel like I’m always wrong, and im suppose to think/agree with everything that she says. i don’t get the support, I don’t get the answers, i don’t get the encouragement, so i go out of the home to look for this, like friends.. but it’s a responsibility almost for someone else to take up.. it feels wrong to me..
hopefully blogging this will get me to stop thinking it over and over again in my head..
[im so weird.. I either don’t blog or blog too often… o_O]
so for example, i feel that sometimes its only normal if i had a chance to relax, spend time out with so friends, instead of always being in a book, she goes on about how she only wishes to do so and that she never got the chance, i understand that perhaps she never got the chance for education without being pulled out to work, but she’s a different person than me, i can’t sit there for days with a pencil in my hand, writing and writing.. i was never really the one that was quiet and sat there a lot, but the one constantly running around, did she not see it then that i wasn’t going to be the still one?
eating, even how to eat a certain food.. no, that wont be good with ketchup, have it with this sauce gravy.. its almost like im being controlled like a doll, and she doesn’t say it as an opinion or suggestion, but as a command, she’ll start yelling if i continue using ketchup..
there are so many things that we can never agree upon, not only do we not agree, but we argue, and yell, and it hurts that i can barely ever have a decent long conversation with them before we break into an argument, we never solve it, so we’ll walk right back into it some other time.
im really sick of the routine, i talk to my mom about it, she doesn’t agree, she goes on about what i feel is wrong, and that what she is telling is right. it makes me feel like I’m always wrong, and im suppose to think/agree with everything that she says. i don’t get the support, I don’t get the answers, i don’t get the encouragement, so i go out of the home to look for this, like friends.. but it’s a responsibility almost for someone else to take up.. it feels wrong to me..
hopefully blogging this will get me to stop thinking it over and over again in my head..
[im so weird.. I either don’t blog or blog too often… o_O]
d'oh...
didnt go to cellgroup last night.. missed the very first cell group. >= ( d'ohhh.. srry i left u jenns.. so why.. i was ready to go.. and then mom all of a sudden decided to have a fit.. and of course she decides to take it out on me.. funn. so she goes on.. and on.. about stuffs about me.. though half to all of it doesnt make sense or relate to me... and she decided that im not allowed.. >__>
so after i just sat in my room.. eventually falling asleep.. and woke up next day.. weird.. i felt like im suppose to be at school... like every few minutes i'll look at the time and go.. AHHhh! im late for schooollllll!! ---- no wait.. its WeEkEnD! >__< its just like.. cuz i missed df... where i get away from the house.. it feels like it isn't even weekend.. weirdo me.. = T
now.. just hopeing that i'll be able to go to tonights canto christman meeting + missions night.. i need to get out of this house.. n-o-w.. but atm.. im content.. =)
so after i just sat in my room.. eventually falling asleep.. and woke up next day.. weird.. i felt like im suppose to be at school... like every few minutes i'll look at the time and go.. AHHhh! im late for schooollllll!! ---- no wait.. its WeEkEnD! >__< its just like.. cuz i missed df... where i get away from the house.. it feels like it isn't even weekend.. weirdo me.. = T
now.. just hopeing that i'll be able to go to tonights canto christman meeting + missions night.. i need to get out of this house.. n-o-w.. but atm.. im content.. =)
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