by the way. i'm stopping on the daily posts... you can read it in my book later - when i get back...
but friends. you either know how special friends are, are not. even if you don't. im sure you have gotten quite a few of those forwards of poems and stories on friends. its all touching. but you don't fully feel it until you have to loose your friends and know how it feels to have no friends at your side. i, on this vacation now love all my friends even more than i ever did. i've always loved my friends more than average i guess because of, once again, experience. but after or still, during my vacation to hong kong, i really dearly love and miss my friends.
i'm here in hong kong for exactly 67 days; 9 and a half weeks. no friends, and everyone around me are people that i hardly know. people that i haven't seen in at least 8 years. its scary. its depressing. all my friends are on the other side of the world, i hear everything that is happening and im not, can't be, part of it. instead im stuck in a city that i barely recognise, and can't locate myself in. i have my mother. but really, its like she's not here. she knows and catches up with people that she hasn't seen, as i am there, quite litterally tagging along, with no choice. knowing me, im more energetic than quiet. here, i have said little, and have thought more than i've done in a very long time. it's hard to keep all that, energy, happiness in, or not having it at all, not being able to smile willingly, or laugh, not to put on a show, but truely from my heart.
try. it's hard. and it may be alike to those forward emails that you get. and maybe not even because my writing isn't that... well, since its hard to think too clearly when you have so many thoughts going through your head. but try to imagine how it would feel to have no friends around you. in a city you barely know. for so long. as everyone around you are having fun, you aren't. and you haven't smilied from your heart in so long. it'll drive you crazy.
i don't really have time to exactly express how i feel. but i am being kicked off.
miss you all terribly. love you all. miss you all.
you only live life once, so make the best of it.
3 comments:
crystal! don't worry girl..i know exactly what you're going through. same feeling i had when i was in hk..n it was hard to even fit in with my cousins since they were a perfect four-some..n me the only child coming back from canada, making me an awkward fifth wheel. didn't work for big2, mahjong, etc etc. don't worry though, these experiences will allow to you tressure your current relationships with your friends more, and not take it for granted. at the same time, you also learn alot of things you otherwise would not have learned. try not to let these feelings get in your way. you are not going to be able to be in hk very often, so cherish the time you are there and enjoy it the best you can! =)
-wes
thxx wess :')
n one more thing tho wes.. u can read chinese n write chinese n everything else since u've lived here.. but for me.. they won't stop rubbing it in that i can't read.. can understand.. tho i can. and always saying that im 'foreign'. i can laugh at it first few times.. but being here for so long.. n hearing it so often.. it makes it so much harder...
but thx for the support anyway... miss u.. n home.. n every1 else..
` Crystall
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