so much on my mind

i have so much on my mind... constantly thinking.. but then.. its like, i'm not getting anywhere.

hopefully no one at school goes on this.. as in my blogspot.. its partly due to school that i'm so.. stressing with.. most of my life is there.. all my old friends that i had from last school year are all into drinking, if not smoking. I use to hang out with one group of ppl, now all they do is drink.. and my other friends.. we have so many difference, that its just that difficult to get close and be like, bff. its like.. i just lost everyone, and all i have left are people i barely see, and its just so difficult.
And its really doesn't help that when i get to church, its like the same, every1's grouped.. like.. bff with bff.. and mary isn't always there, like DF. but not only that.. now she's looking after the toddlers. as i am taking care of the children. its like.. there are no more escapes for me.. i can't get away from my problems... I had or still have a fear of loneliness.. i think it started in gr5. Its just that i'll get really uptight when there's no one around. And.. yea.. feels better to get some of it out.. than none.. ..