changing

i know that some people hate to admit their bad habits and stuff.. but i dont know. i just started thinking.. bad habits arent good (no really?) and i want to do something about it. i mean the first step to changing it is to admit it right?

well heres some confessions --im just getting really stubborn and rebellious.. not really the greatest thing all the time. i guess the things that happened earlier this year and stuff now are really hitting me hard, from just being able to trust(not the best word) anyone, its like self conscious, or just paranoid. ive gotten more sensitive, and i isolate myself more than i ever had.

im just learning to open up and listen again, i guess im learning this from my mom, as she just doesnt listen to me, its like talking to a wall, but the wall likes to criticize me. its so frustrating. and i dont know if i make others feel that way, but i feel that im putting up a wall sometimes, and i feel really bad for it, so sorry to anyone and everyone that i did that to. seems like the solution to all of them would be open.. and thats where i'll start.

ive really grown to like alone time, no im not emo, i promise. but just not getting influenced at all, i've been close to people that i know arent good influences to me, and i sponge characteristics and qualities from people like crazy.. so i just chose to not be close at all to avoid any sponging at all.. i stick with my church buds : ) but it feels kinda lonely since i only see them around twice a week.. i have friends at school, just a few that i stick to, but even then still limited closeness..

stubborn, too protective, i cant keep emotions back very well anymore. i cant control tears from coming to my eyes. i cant set my trembling voice away, i cant speak, i loose my words. so much to work on..
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these negative blogs make me seem so emo.. xD
ill post a happy blog soons.. just errr i dont have one right now : P

i have nutella beside me.. does that count? ♥