?

should i feel guilty?

used?

loved?

all i know is that every time i see you,
i forget what i was thinking of before..

wouldnt of worked anyway..

theres no way i could trust you
the way i needed to trust you.

i was smart for once to leave you before i got myself in too deep,
i realized that i knew nothing about you.
and you didnt intend to change that.

what was i thinking?!
that i should give you a chance, and that maybe im misjudging..
i think i was right on. a l w a y s trust your gut.

still bothers me that you're everywhere,
and that you have to try to contact me.

but still
i am so much happier, --without you.

and for some reason. i do want you to read this.
you know --"just so you know"

not meant for me

so here i am, still at this thing

asked a question i really wasnt ready to answer,
but im really glad i was asked it..

i just wish i knew what i was doing..
and that i can stick to whatever i had in mind..
but i suck at sticking to my own plans, at least it seems this way in my situation..

im not going to go mess with someone elses life,
whether im capable of it or not, i dont want to try.

just random thoughts that you can read but not understand 0=)

what im up to... or why im doing what im doing...

i guess its time to post my draft..
but i cant find it -_-

but yea.. everyone thinks that theres something going on with me and him
(yea. him. i dont like using names in my blogs cause - not a good idea. bad experience)
through my eyes nothing is going on. but i know why you think the way you do.
*prays to God that he doesnt go on this and read and figures that its him..*


this all kinda starts relating TC.
when i found out who was on my team, some of the members of the team found out shortly(tho they shouldnt of -_-)
but someone warned me about one, and of his.. "condition" or his "state"?
i took it and considered it, but without a face and just the name, i forgot really soon.

so i met him during sr TC. he was in my group. i actually didnt notice he was him til the end, when she reminded me of him and asked what i thought. i totally forgot. (whoops..)
but since we were first told to continue communicating with our group - i did.
but then i personally already had that in mind, since i thought it was necessary, and the difference it seemed to make comparing with the previous year. NO communication. and TC dropped dead within the end of the week TC took place.
so i started to talk to my group individually.. and uhh continue learning their names (im not that good with names..)
so when i got to him, his name and his face finally clicked (dude. im slow, leave me alone)
getting to know him, i started to actually see a lot of myself in him,
we're both really.. stupid.
dont think its a good thing to just tell stuff about him here, since i know.. stuff. (errr)
but yea. i found that he was one of those kids that were forced to go to TC.. his dad signed him up.
so one thing i learned about him that i just cant seem to get out of my mind.. that he believed that there is a God, but doesnt believe that he can do much for him.
it kinda stuck me like.. what? i mean, thats like the one thing i feel from Him the most!
so he knows that God loves him. but doesnt believe it.
he has a past. and i guess i can see why he thinks this way because of it.

something else i learned. he's stubborn and can really close up on people if they dont do the right thing.
he trusts few. and since he trusts me, i want to bring him to know God, and feel his love.
how im going to do that is really unknown, and im just waiting for God to show me how.
i dont know what to do yet. and i just dont want him to shut me out.
explaining why im trying to get to know him, leaving him practically no time to get to know me.. (my bad)
anyway, yea to what someone said/asked in the car today, its only cause i know that he doesnt think of me as anything and that its all just brotherly sisterly.
no. we're not dating, he has a gf as of today actually. im just his really beloved gah jei thats like a mui mui..

*car ppl msg me on msn/fb or email... whatever suits youu