just a few days, just around the corner...

retreat is in just a few days,
just around the corner.. and im not looking forward to it one bit..
the reasons dont seem definite.
the one person i wish would go isnt.
i really miss how we use to be,
we were so close --i have no idea what h a p p e n e d.
i really wanted to have the chance to spend full 24hr days with her, just to catch up and whatnot.
yes there are always others, but i dont seem really close to one of them in particular, everyone just kinda drifted.
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
just the other day i accidently blurted out that im not looking forward to it(retreat) at all.
i thought i was in a safe environment...
so i was questioned why im going-
my answer then was because ppl said i should. and i wanted to adviod the questions of why.

i guess my answer is... i want to give it a try, a chance, and maybe i'd have fun, and maybe God would have something for me.
im scared for this retreat. i remember that ive spent retreat days to comfort and accompany someone else cause they werent too happy, just wasnt right to me, for someone to be sad at a retreat.
glad i was of help or use. just cant say i appreciate how theyd leave, ditched when they were feeling better, not caring that i just left everything behind for them.. not caring about me a bit in return..

now this year, may i ask for a return of a favor?