reminiscing 2oo7

year 2oo7..

.........--things that stand out as of noww

-winter retreat [tubing!, staying up all night talking, jenn~ceiling!] : D
-TC2oo7 [team king david] = /
-my sweet 16 [dimsum, stc] {i appologize again} : P
-fairhavens [trailers! hanging out with my cousins for so long & few of my sisters too.] : D
..........*just amazing seeing my cousins interested in Christianity <3
-mommy leaves to HK leaving only a note :' (
-learning to bus and getting around myselfs : )
-softballlllll [i suck] <3
-beaching [let the summer sun shine--*] ^^
-harvey's free burger sunday [Soo many burgers!] : o
-[Out of the water] : )
-fishing with daddys again : )
-summer retreat : l
-issues. D' :
-banquet.o7 : D
-vbs.2oo7 [loved the kids] : l
-got in TC captaining : D
-didnt get to go to the Ex : (
-cows of flaming pepos(that wear used bandaids) <3
-started to hang out(movies and shopping xD) with corey.larissa.shawna/lisa : D
-christmas [spends christmas eve with hailey] : D

......*corey gave me a pooh bear --its adorable

......*rissa gave me a dolphin necklace and earrings
......*mary gave me a shirt
......*willio gave me a hollister tee ^^
......*cavy gave me a necklace, and HALLS! lmao, just what i needed : P (love the blue)
......*will gave me a SNOWBOARD
-ankie+sabrina's baptism : D
-mom coming home : /
-ET boxing day trip : )


ok. gayness! i edited it.. and half of everything deleted itself. im forgetting some stuffs now.. >_< --thanksyou for making this a memorable year for me : )

new layout!

thought i'd change it up a bit..
but i think i might miss my old one.. i had that one for so long...
like this one or the old one?

-such a pointless post.. : P

RIP grandma

RIP my beloved grandma <3
november 28, 2oo7 - 6:45pm
blessed the world for 86 years.

so today my grandma goes, the one on my mom's side, the one that i knew more, the one that cared about me most.

i dont know that much, since i dont want to ask my mom right now, but i heard that her chest hurt and the next thing, she couldnt breathe.. called ambulance, and left this cruel world while being saved.

here at home, we get a call, as my mom picks up, i hear loud crying, and my mom confused, not knowing what is happening, nor what she's saying. i had a bad feeling, and this is what it came to.

the last time i saw her was at the end of summer.o6, last year, when i went to hongkong to see my grandparents, my grandpa actually, since he's sick, growing deaf, blind, and really weak. so my grandma going first is a surprise.

i could of seen her again summer.o7 but i didnt want to go back, i missed my friends here too much, and i hated coming back and feeling out of place, i didnt want to go there cause i didnt have friends, and it seemed like i wasnt important enough for even my cousins to take the time to take me out, i went with my mom, meeting her friends, and i just seemed or felt like a show and tell thing, and thats that. i didnt go. im so selfish.

i got to see her almost once every 3-5 years, mbee more. and i cant even take some time away from my comfort zone, to spend time with my grandparents. what kind of granddaughter am i. w t c.

i remember when i was a kid, i would go to hongkong over the summer holidays, and she knew that i loved ice cream gee miy low, or just ice cream in general, and she would buy so much to fill the freezer before i got there, the fridge would be filled with yik lik daws and just all my favorite foods. she always thought that i had to eat more, and she knows that i can pack in a lot of food.. and every time i had ice cream, i saw her looking at me enjoy it, and asked me how it was.. i dont know how she loved me, i dont know how anyone can love me, i mean i was a mischievous, curious, and just had too much energy for my own good.. i tried to do a favor, ending up in a mess, for example, i wanted to be useful, and i dusted the tv, and i saw the lines in the back, and i wanted to clean in the tv too, so i poured water into the tv. and you can guess what happened..

i loved making cards for people when i was small, and i wanted to make one for my grandma, i saw watermelon on the table cloth, and i just helped myself to them, i cut them out and put in on the card.. i drowned her plants, i coloured her plants, i dropped a pebble from the 35th floor of the apartment to see it drop..(dont worry, no one was down there), i tried to catch a gecko on the wall.. through all that and so much more, she still loved me.

thinking back now, why am i so thoughtless? i was annoyed when she was asking me about anything and everything last time i saw her, summer.o6. from who are your friends? do you still go to church? how's your dad? how's school? hows the weather in canada? do you have a bf? do your friends? now.. now i think she asked out of her heart, she missed me, she hasnt seen me in years, and she wanted to build conversation, she wanted to talk to me.. dont get me wrong, i did talk to her, i didnt walk away, just i tried to minimize the chances she had that chance.. to ask about everything.. now i can only wish she can ask me question after questions for hours...

i dont see her much, but it was comforting to know that she was always there, now it seems so hard to accept that shes gone...

Harmony Bear

i said i was going to do a happy post.. so here it is : )
i always loved the carebears, just cause its like the basics to a friendship, but displayed in bears.. : P every bear has a "strength"? and its on their tummies =]
so recently while i was procrastinating, i was google-ing the care bears : P and i found a quiz thing to see which one you are most like.. im harmony bear, wee! one of my faves along with love-a-lot and tenderheart. : )

so since im weird, i got this profile of harmony bear:

Harmony Bear helps others get along. This peace-loving bear knows our differences are something to be celebrated, not something to keep us apart. When differences are brought together in harmony they create something beautiful. That's the meaning of her symbol—a smiling flower with different colored petals.
Caring Mission: Helps others overcome differences and get along.
Symbol: Her smiling flower symbol shows the beauty and happiness that comes from getting along with those around us.
Personality: Open and friendly.
Motto: Good times get better when we get along together!

if you want to do the quiz too.. i gotcha a linkk! : DD [click here to do quiz]
and this is what i got.. or results..

You are most like Harmony Bear. Harmony Bear helps others get along. This peace loving bear knows our differences are something to be celebrated, not something to keep us apart. When differences are brought together in harmony they create something beautiful. That's the meaning of her symbol a smiling flower with different colored petals.
Her Caring Mission is to help others overcome differences and get along. Her smiling flower symbol shows the beauty and happiness that comes from getting along with those around us. Her Personality is open and friendly. Her Character Quirk is that she's got a beautiful singing voice that seems to magically help calm others when they're upset. Her Color is Lavender. Her Best Friend is Friend Bear. Her Relationship Challenge is with Champ Bear. He can be so competitive sometimes. Motto is Good times get better when we get along together.

--what did YOUUU get? : )

changing

i know that some people hate to admit their bad habits and stuff.. but i dont know. i just started thinking.. bad habits arent good (no really?) and i want to do something about it. i mean the first step to changing it is to admit it right?

well heres some confessions --im just getting really stubborn and rebellious.. not really the greatest thing all the time. i guess the things that happened earlier this year and stuff now are really hitting me hard, from just being able to trust(not the best word) anyone, its like self conscious, or just paranoid. ive gotten more sensitive, and i isolate myself more than i ever had.

im just learning to open up and listen again, i guess im learning this from my mom, as she just doesnt listen to me, its like talking to a wall, but the wall likes to criticize me. its so frustrating. and i dont know if i make others feel that way, but i feel that im putting up a wall sometimes, and i feel really bad for it, so sorry to anyone and everyone that i did that to. seems like the solution to all of them would be open.. and thats where i'll start.

ive really grown to like alone time, no im not emo, i promise. but just not getting influenced at all, i've been close to people that i know arent good influences to me, and i sponge characteristics and qualities from people like crazy.. so i just chose to not be close at all to avoid any sponging at all.. i stick with my church buds : ) but it feels kinda lonely since i only see them around twice a week.. i have friends at school, just a few that i stick to, but even then still limited closeness..

stubborn, too protective, i cant keep emotions back very well anymore. i cant control tears from coming to my eyes. i cant set my trembling voice away, i cant speak, i loose my words. so much to work on..
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these negative blogs make me seem so emo.. xD
ill post a happy blog soons.. just errr i dont have one right now : P

i have nutella beside me.. does that count? ♥