rant...

*sigh* at the moment.. i only wish i can cry.. its like.. stress + tiredness + shock + frustration + disappointment + anger + confusion + sadness + hopelessness + worry-- all rolled into one big fat emotion.. i can’t cry. all i can do it sit there. crawl up into a ball. and mope. it feels so bad.. helpless even.. ><
ya ya.. i was complaining that i cry. now i can only wish i can. normally.. once i’m happy. it takes quite a lot to make me frown.. but not today.. the second i got my mark. my grin. smile? was an instant frown. millimeters to tears. but tears wouldn’t fall. i have this feeling in my heart.. so uncomfortable..[nxt thing u know.. i have a heart prob -__-]
i know that everything happens for a reason.. but this is like.. so difficult.. i feel alone. where’s god’s support when I have no one else around me? it really doesn’t feel that he was present… but i still have faith that he’ll make it somehow manageable. that my parents understand and give me a chance.. and for me to catch up.. and for everything to calm down and for me to be able to rest..
as if that there’s something wrong.. all the time.. one problem right after another.. or.. altogether.. so hard to have a good time without my mind wondering back to my worries.
makes me want to scream – yet i can’t.

can’t wait til I can get over this.. and blog a nice happy blog… *fingers crossed * wishing * waiting * hopping* praying*