wonder ponderr

i always wondered this i read it often and i read it often, that parents are role models and they have experienced what you’re going through, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with me though.
so for example, i feel that sometimes its only normal if i had a chance to relax, spend time out with so friends, instead of always being in a book, she goes on about how she only wishes to do so and that she never got the chance, i understand that perhaps she never got the chance for education without being pulled out to work, but she’s a different person than me, i can’t sit there for days with a pencil in my hand, writing and writing.. i was never really the one that was quiet and sat there a lot, but the one constantly running around, did she not see it then that i wasn’t going to be the still one?
eating, even how to eat a certain food.. no, that wont be good with ketchup, have it with this sauce gravy.. its almost like im being controlled like a doll, and she doesn’t say it as an opinion or suggestion, but as a command, she’ll start yelling if i continue using ketchup..
there are so many things that we can never agree upon, not only do we not agree, but we argue, and yell, and it hurts that i can barely ever have a decent long conversation with them before we break into an argument, we never solve it, so we’ll walk right back into it some other time.
im really sick of the routine, i talk to my mom about it, she doesn’t agree, she goes on about what i feel is wrong, and that what she is telling is right. it makes me feel like I’m always wrong, and im suppose to think/agree with everything that she says. i don’t get the support, I don’t get the answers, i don’t get the encouragement, so i go out of the home to look for this, like friends.. but it’s a responsibility almost for someone else to take up.. it feels wrong to me..

hopefully blogging this will get me to stop thinking it over and over again in my head..

[im so weird.. I either don’t blog or blog too often… o_O]