thoughts

so i lied when a few people asked if i was alright.. was it that obvious that i was thinking about something?

well so there is something bothering me. its just.. im next to invisible. im not like trying to get attention or anything, but really, im like invisible.
everywhere i go. where ever i am. home. school. church. seems like im still somewhat invisible.
i dont want to mention names but really, always looking for me when you dont want to feel lonely or have no one to talk to, i always talk to you, and i wont ditch you when someone else shows up. But you do. all the time, and not only... when i talk to you, you ignore me, and not like u dont know im there, i'm tapping ur shoulder. and if anything like that happens to you? you get into a fit or you start hitting them until they reply to you. is it... you have to be all mean to get what you want?
at home, im expected to listen to people talk, but not like they listen to me.. so thats a good thing about siblings... you have someone that isnt an adult and doesnt get anything, to listen to you..
at school. me and my friends dont get along too well anymore.. not really.. they always go DT and sleep over at my friends condo.. not like im allowed.. they go to MTV (or something along those lines) and be live audience, not like im allowed to go like that alone without a parent, i cant afford paying 70 dollars to go see a concert.. so i miss out a lot.. and they dont talk to me as much.. and they ignore me a bit.. and i disappear...
church.. there are so many peoples... hugs the moment they are within sight. groupie apparently call and get together outside church.. i apparently wasnt contacted. is it because i live far? not like i dont know how to bus. and im always the one cut off either talking or walking.. and i recall someone saying that you can only be left out if you dont participate. i really dont agree. what if they tried, but then they were cut off continuously? they were ignored.

its a good thing that i experience it i guess, i know how it feels and i know not to do it.. but still.. its everywhere, and its sorta getting harder to push back and ignore.. eventually the bottle will fill..

[hope no one really comes here and reads.. im once again all lonely and want to talk to someone.. or just talk. teddy seems to weird.. starring at me...><]

tc -day 2

♪♪♪

day 2 was a lot better. a few of us all of a sudden had all this energy.. especially mike in my opinion. we spent most, next to all, of our interaction time making, revising, fixing, and adding to our team cheer, that started really really bad. no exaggerations.

&&we finally won a game.. twoo actually! we won the brick one.. and dominic kept stepping on my foot instead the brick. -_- *ouchiess* it really hurt --he weighs a tonn. >= l and i fully forget the other game that we won. o_O ‘think it might have been the one with the cups and elastics..

we got a bit closer and wasn’t as uncomfortable and awkward as day 1.. but we didn’t play many games. [onee.game to be exact] perhaps that’s why we didn’t know each other very well? = T

i was pretty amazed that i still had that much energy in me.. dozing off a bit from time to time..

first day i broke down to tears.. today.. mary did.. HA! we evennn♪ xD yea.. randoms.. just thought i’d says..

at lunch.. so jokes.. the david table for one is never called. but that doesn’t matter.. cause there is next to no one present at our table. -_- i ran off visiting my et peeps.. and spending time with maryyy[!!!] and her team.. HO! HO! HOSEA! i ran with there flag.. and took team/group pics with them.. xDD

MARRY;; charold..[???still fully lost on that..] aka ryan. --what is it again??

so i know the cheer now!;;

bang bang david king!

come on team, lets do this thing!

we’re on fire in sun or rain!

lets shout for david king!

[goliath was killed with a sling!]

--somthingg like thattt ><”

.. this post was really unorganized and had little bits of everything in everywhere.. that prob means that I need sleep.. but still got some energy left in me! --sorta.. so hottt, so hott♪.. :p [stuck in my head so bad ><”]

♪ ♪ ♪ “so hott . so hott!” --originated in team benjamin’s team cap jt. ♪ ♪ ♪

tc -day 1

started the day at an early 6:30am.
got ready. got my stuff. out the door by 7?
supposedly going a bit earlier to get something to eat.. nope. didnt happen --TRAFFICC << stickies ="D" size="3">mary isnt in my group when it was requested.. i was in NO one's group. -_- i in team DAVID!!! ♪♪ bang bang david king.. somthing somthing somthing [i'll fill this in 2morrows...] ♪♪
so i didnt know anyone on my team. and i was hoping that it'd make up if the team was like amazingly energetic and exciting&outgoing.
i wish
quietest group everrr. and we didnt talk very much.. lost at nearly all the games. it was just sad. disappointing.
last half of the day i descided to just go hyper... well.. not my usual energy.. but a fraction of it.. instead of looking like everyone else --dead.
it was slightly embarrassing cause i would, from time to time, be the only one hollering. -_-
the end message. was touching.. i cried. ><" and mary caught me at it. [and not like she was in the same row or anything.. she wasnt even on my team...] -_-. so i was bottled up from a lot of things.. and once a bit of me got weak.. it poured down like rain.. and there was quite some awkward moments there.. and i just had mini weird spazz-ums along the way the whole night..
--day 1. out of all the tc's i've been to.. this has been the least enjoyable. :(

hopefully day 2 will be much better... *fingers crossed!*

but why is it that whenever there's something that i am happily looking towards, its ruined by a problem, or makes me not look forward to it anymore.
discourages hopes
break dreams
-makes me look forward to anything. leaving life as dull and negative as ever.

where's a hug when you need it most. someone to accompany when you need it most.
i just want to go home. but i dont even know where home is...

mowat flood

early in the morning.. i wake up dreading to go to school.. heard that there would be a big snow storm type thing around 3.. and i didnt exactly feel like walking home in it..

arrive at school.. abnormally crowded for that time.. i still had no idea what was happening.. then i found that it was a late start.. so i was like.. ok.. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR AN HR?!?

went to my locker. then my friends to see if she got to school yet.. found out thenn that the school flooded.. all of first floor, and around the stairways upstairs.. so then when my my girls finally rolled into the school i told them bout the flood.. and they decided to go home.. i stuck around a bit longer.. and figured.. by the looks of it.. they weren't going to get all that water in 30 mins.. so i took a hike home..

found out that school was out the whole day..
also found out.. it was a pipe in the dark room that burst.. and all of first floor got flooded.. damages around $500 000 by one person, and $100 000 by another.. *shruggs*
WE MITE HAVE TO HAVE PORTABLES AGAIN! ='''( *nooooo!

and school resumes on monday.. slim slim slim chances of school not resuming...


check it --http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_8360.aspx