turn the other cheek

i am so sick.. so sick of being blamed for things i haven’t done.. things that i haven’t done has taken my privileges away. taking what she promised me away.. taking what i’ve earned away. i don’t see how im suppose to let it go.. and it doesn’t just happen once, but over and over again..

i have done what the Lord says.. at least this one that i happen to have on my mind quite often… if someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other cheek. or along those lines.. ive been slapped across the face.. for no reason. i looked her in the eye and said… here this side too. i don’t know if i’ve accomplished anything.. but all I’ve gotten is disappointment.. why do i always have to be blamed for things that i didn’t do? and why wont i let myself stand up for myself.. [btw, that’s why i have a big reaction when I get accused..]

in this house.. its like everyone is on their own.. im alone on the computer, dad on his upstairs, and when my mother in the basement... i dont see a family.. its more like individuals trapped in one house..

questions i ask:

why do what happens to me happen to me?

what’s the reason behind all this?

what can I do to change this?

can I change this?

what is this suppose to mean?

why is all this taking me away from you?

-- there are so many more questions running in my mind. but this is all I feel like doing..

Lord God...you seem to be invisible right now.. I feel alone. I don’t feel your presence... please, show yourself to me and guide me along…

Lord. Give me a sign.