whoa just noticed how many drafts i write.. what comes with school --tired hands and this lazy girl would rather type up her thoughts than to write em down..
this is like a lot of posts MERGED into ONE..
why do you think that everyone else is the problem? i dont deny what i do, but i want to be able to defend myself, so that im only punished for what i did, or do. but how bout you?
why do you think that everyone else is the problem?
and if you know your problems, then why do you keep doing it? why dont you even attempt to change? not even after someone has just told you.
some times i want to go, so i wont have to witness it, and if i dont witness it, i dont have to believe that its true.
pshh.. that actually never stopped me, i just tell myself that it was a dream or a nightmare, cause you know, sometimes i cant tell if im dreaming or living it..
just i prefer to not witness it..
but then theres the option to stay around just so that i can remember the little bit that lasts..
--naive, mbee i am, but i havent come up with what else to do..
I love this. like a lost soul taking a chance and is almost sure to be hurt, but she does anyway. Out of need. out of desperation. out of love. It is a hard path she walks and she walks it alone. --beautifully emo-ly written for me from jerms : ) love you budss
im backing out cause i love you and i dont want to be a reason for hurting you. but for every step i take back, you take forward, pushing me further and further back. why am i letting you do this? why are you doing this..
i dont want to be angry, i can do the most regretful things, so i suppress it into sadness, cause that way it wont hurt anyone.. but myself. i wonder if its the right thing to do anymore. like they say, you cant satisfy everyone, so you mite as well satisfy yourself.. but i cant bring that into action without feeling guilt, guilt that i didnt even try to make others feel better, i feel selfish for even thinking to satisfy myself than others, while i can.
i dont want to talk about "whats up" makes me have to review over all those things that are troubled in my life.. its not that i want to run from them, i mean, if i ran from them all, there's really barely anything left.
i want to know what to do, which to approach first, but all this is just so overwhelming.. !!
sharing helps i guess, just i dont want to be pointed out as gossiping or talking crap behind others back when names come up. i dont know what to do anymore, i feel so helpless..
--//for now : )
Monday, June 23, 2008
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