from autumn to winter

from the ends of summer; autumn. to the deaths of winter.
my life like the tree that blooms in the summer.
is slowly coming to its death.

the weather gets colder,
as feelings grow tension.
the tree growing weaker,
as the feelings fade.
with each wisp of wind,
as more arguments irrupt,
a leaf will fall, no longer can it hold.
things in life will leave.

with each wisp of wind
another leaf falls.


the tree bare of leaves.
lonely and cold.
death arrives.
no life.
with nothing left, it drops its leaves with each wisp of wind.
until the tree is bare. lonely and cold.
soon the death will be near.
slowly and painfully ill pass away.

Seasons - Dru

I met you in the summer time, [we fell in love]
everything was beautiful between us
you are like the sun on the sand on an island
and i was the water you heated up with your love
autumn came up on us with some confusion
felt like the love that we had was just an illusion
when winter came in, oh so cold
it froze up every road
^{i didnt know if we get to spring}

See theses are the seasons, baby
see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side]
see these are the season
and nothing'll be changin'
see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side], through every season

deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
through every season
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside

i know you got your faults and i got mine, too
but dont give no reason to give up on you
you can depend on me through this stormiest weather
cause i made a promise ill be right here f o r e v e r
even when your faith is low, gotta make amends
love can be a losing game got to play to win
no matter how bad it seems
got to hold on to that dream
and watch the flowers that bloom in spring

see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side]
see these are the seasons
and nothing'll be changin'
see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side], through every season

deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
through every season
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside
deep deep down it hurt inside


through the winter spring summer fall, i was there for you
through the thick and thin, im the one you can run to
baby you know, ill never stop loving you,

you are my <heart3

through the winter spring summer fall, i was there for you
through the winter spring summer fall, i was there for you
through thick and thin, im the one you can run to
baby you know, ill never stop loving you,
you are my <heart3

these are the seasons

see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side]
see these are the seasons
and nothing'll be changin'
see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side], through every season

see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side]
see these are the seasons
and nothing'll be changin'
see you never know, you never know
what tomorrow brings
sunshine, rainy days, cloudy skies
[still be by your side],

through every season

sunday morning regulars

the regular sunday morning events would begin with breakfast at the local tim hortons just a few steps from church. Just my dad and i, eating breakfast before service.

rarely any conversation made during the duration of the breakfast, mostly just eating, and observing the environment around us, silently sipping our field mushroom soup or occationally the chicken noodle..

i often watched customers come in and out, seeing the regular people that also have a regular routine there sunday mornings.. sipping big cups of coffee, enjoying buttered bagels, and reading the daily newspaper or book.

recently theres a couple of new regular customers on these sunday mornings - this old couple. aged with wisedom, nearly deaf with age, the old man bent over with a slow pace through the door towards the counter, wife in arm, aged with care, nodding and delicate with age.

helping each other getting through doors, and with every step they take, watching out for their love, arm in arm. slowly they reach the counter, the deafened man then yells out his order as the wife takes his hat off and brushes him off retrieving a nearby seat.

two cups of coffee and two muffins can be a handful the man learns, slowly making his journey to the seats. wife with more nimble than the man, realizes and assists at once.

crumbs stuck on the edge of lips are brushed off with gentleness and care.


watching the couple together, caring for each other, arm in arm.

love witnessed.

[1Cor13:7-8]

love bears all things,

endures all things,

love never ends.
[1Cor13:7-8]

i need someone to love me when i deserve it the least.

hear me.

words i say ring no echo
the motion of these lips
create nothing worth the attention of the ears
nothing i say means enough
for you to bring back to your heart
but just tossed out over the shoulder
like the junk mail in your mailbox.

crying out for someone to hear me
so perhaps i would feel less lonely
in hopes that id be told and shown
that im worth just a little something.

the day still awaits.

watching

whoever knew that time could be this painful. this hard to bear.

ive been
watching the time, until you get home. its getting late.
watching outside, for the weather youre in. is it getting cold?
watching this conversation, that youve walked away from. and i miss you.

this feeling in my chest. wont go away. not knowing if youre ok.
please come home. and make things right again.
i cant make it without you.

i see the evening rays of golden shades of orange.
wherever you are. im sure youre watching it too
the sight of this majestic scene
breaks my heart watching this as we're apart
you wont be home soon, i know youd stay til the show ends.

until then ill wait. .....................................................watching.

whereareyou

if screaming your name as loud as i can
you'd appear.

id do it.

i dont see you.

please come home

even if i were to travel the seven seas,
i would still fail to find someone sweeter than you.

my heart trembles every moment it cant feel yours.
the sun doesnt seem to shine as bright.

wish i could take back the things ive said
acting on my emotions never seems to take me far --
in the r i g h t d i r e c t i o n .

at the end of the day.
nothing changes about how i feel bout you.
i still love you the same.

when you going to go home babe?

i m i s s y o u .

til the sun shines again, it'll rain

i look around me, at the beauty God created.
the trees. the flowers. the squirrels the robins.
the vibrant colours they shine,
sharp chips and songs - rejoicing in the sun.
its another beautiful day. that i have to spend without you.

the world turns to shades of gray
as this thundering cloud seems to stay
hovering over my head,
refusing to go on its way.

this cloud doesnt seem to be lightening..
endless raining cloud still rains on me.
the cold blankets my shoulders
shivers down my spine..

until the day we can be together
this cloud will keep rain on me.
until we are together
can i gain comfort and see the sun's rays
until we are together.

shatter me. you have

the shatter of object as it crashes to the ground from the force that brought it down.
the satisfaction it brings in the second of the brokenness.
like it represented me.
shattering across the floor, pieces flying off to places never to be found again.
the flaw concludes to time.
shattering feeling i feel lasted so much longer --
pieces picked up and thrown onto the floor,
shards of me broken to dust.

blow them away and hide this mess of me.

i dont know

"i dont know"
are simply words of uncertainty
the number of things and decisions
id answer with
i dont know.

whats going to happen in the future
where am i going, where am i going to be
can i get there.
what am i suppose to do
how do i fix what i already did..
i simply. do not. know.

so many things i dont know
but one i do.
i love you.
and theres no room for uncertainty
in those three words i offer to you --with ribbon and bows

entrance in which you came, hangs an exit sign.

with every entrance you enter;
the entrance in which you came,
hangs an exit sign.

into my life you've entered
into my heart you've entered
you unpacked your belongings and you chose to stay;
here within this difficult heart you chose to stay.

with every argument that rises,
accompanying every tear that falls,
you look to the door...

the entrance in which you came,
hangs an exit sign.
in its eye catching red glow -it calls.

i cant stop pain and hurt in the air, believe me -ive tried; even with frebreeze ive sprayed.
and i cant remove that exit sign that calls, believe me -ive tried with scissors and hammers.

the entrance in which you came,
still hangs an exit sign.
in its eye catching red glow -it still calls.

rain rain

rain. rain.
oh please dont go away..
stay awhile and join me
you match my mood of shades of grey,
with drips and drops like tears falling from the sky

is there something wrong?
the point of execution cannot be identified
but offered an unhelpful fray of subjects to yet to be denied

shower me with your wet tears of gloom

yet another moment

tears fill the lip of my eyes
like tsunamis rushing over the coastlines
eyes wide open,
holding back that flush of tears
how much longer can you hold--

wish i knew what to say to when things get quiet
rather than only adding to the silence
with a silent scream i shout
the thoughts and emotions
that comes with no words to express

what can i do. what can i say.
to fix what i already did.
to fix what i already said.
how thoughtless i am,
no thought put to how you would respond.
until when you do respond.
is when i start to regret.

i cant hold these waves 'longer
in a blink they rush in
destroying all thats within reach.

im ready for the rainbow - and its given

clouds grow grey and heavy
as it slowly drift across the skies above me
letting tears fall to the earth around me
restricting the sun's warming bright rays to pass; to shine on me

soon those clouds will lighten
to fluffy clouds
to higher skies they'll float

i can now see God's promise;
a rainbow hung in the sky,
promising me sun shine after the storm;
happiness will follow the sad
the sun's warming comforting rays shine on me
spring to life with colours around me
God's watching above me

white-out

theres white-out on my heart
cant possibly be a good thing
youve ignored the things youve graved 'nto my heart;
youve whited them out.
promises scrawled in with ink
arent permanent.
as theres white-out upon my heart.

wish upon a star or love

wish i had the answers to your questions that you ask in your mind and heart
but i dont seem to have a clue what to say anymore -
what i use to say, only use to work.
you depend on me alone to change your life for the better,
but there's nothing i accomplished to show any better..

i wish i was stronger to hold you up when you fall
yet only do i stumble after you - falling harder than your own fall.
where i am, on the floor, i spot a dark cave to the side,
and with failure written covering my face,
the temptation to crawl over grows to large proportions that are hard to deny.

the question rings in my mind like a deafening bell.
if im the right one for you if i cant succeed in what i thought was only the basis..

heart of glass

this had fallen and broken to pieces
&glued back together
the love it receives now is questionable
unanswered, it falls again
imperfections and edginess is all its gain
can it be loved?
before you answer it falls again..

how many times can it fall before there just isnt enough left to glue?

drowning lonely

drowning in my own sorrows and own desperation;
reaching out to this seemingly ungraspable goal
all the work that needs to be done.
all the things that need to be learned.
all the things that needs to be memorized.
papers and assignments overwhelm me
like waters over my head
for longer than i can hold my breath.

i forced to isolate myself
leaving myself more time to attempt to succeed.
ive left behind all the things i enjoy to do.
left early. cancelled.
i broke my own heart. his heart.
for this.

im not even gaining this that ive given so much for.
i want to give up.
but its so hard to let go of the work that ive put so much effort in.
like. its going to pay off.
but what if im just that unlucky?
that even if i do work hard.
it wont get me far enough.


stuckbetweenahardspotandarock.

the future can be pieces

the screen of salt tears stings my eyes
the air i breathe have swollen in my throat
the blood in my veins turn cold as ice
my thoughts like shipwreck

my heart like a plate

falling from heights that can shatter it to bits

{save it before it hits.}

illustration

the oceans behind my eyes
that i never thought would ever run dry,

showed me today when the drought arrived
these rivers and rapids dry up; deprived.

like the savanna's animals thirst
with desperation in their eyes submersed.

the beats of their hearts excite
with vision of every mirage in sight

then comes the disappointment and grief to follow
on discovery is hard to swallow

for what they thought was so
was just yet another plateau

♥

clenching the part of me that loves you the most.
it aches as it stands it ground.
as that mind strives to compromise its feelings.

like a silent war in the body
i feel the bullets shoot.
i feel the swords stab.
and the pain being torn from love.

i felt it tear

something so deep in my body tears apart. something tears apart.
--every time we're frustrated at each other.
something tears apart.
--every time we dont understand each other.
something tears apart.
--every time we argue.
something tears apart.
--every time theres doubt.

something tears apart...

causes my sight to go in a frenzy.
--like trying to follow a single leaf being thrown around in a tornado.
causes my pulse to moves up to my temples. pounding.
--like a monster breaking out from the closet that it just cannot possibly fit.
causes my thoughts to jumble.
--like a child playing 52 pick up and runs away after the throw.



[those things you say. are so familiar.
the results of those words are deadly.]

key to the book

from all the people that has:
walked into my life
and walked out of my life

no matter how close..

not have i once known someone that knew me so well..
able to read me like they had the key to the book of how to decipher what i do

neither did i think that i would ever have someone that close..


things changed. things changed when you came into my life.
you read me like a book.
you read me like an open book...
the moment i felt off blue, you'd notice at an instant..

how great it feels that i cant hide how i feel,
how i really feel about something...
unexpected.
but ...[i like it.]

{+keep reading --

silence blade

this silence is loud
screaming at my face
pulling at my heart

yet silence is all i can stand

for every word said
slices at me like a blade

dear mikeee♥

This love I feel runs deep inside,
With you I never have to hide,
You wrap your arms around me tight,
And I never feel the need to fight,
I love you more than I can say,
That love grows on as here we lay.

As you lean to kiss my head,
I think about that book I read,
The one where they had the perfect life,
The one where she grew up to be his wife,
They lived happily until the end,
I want this with you, I wont pretend.

You make me feel so alive and real,
I want to tell them how I feel,
I want to tell them how it is to be,
As in love as you and me,
You make me want to scream it out,
And tell the world what our love's about.

But really I just want you to know,
I will always let my love for you show,
Even when we are really mad,
And times are just really bad,
I'll say those three words to make it right,
So you can stay and hold me tight.

alecko.
alex.
al.

you by far were always the cousin that i always worried for
wish i could be there the most for
and wanted to watch out the most for..

ive always tried to tell you.
always tried to warn you.

youre so stubborn
youre too strong
too reckless
you wanted to take the world.


in a hospital
with bruises and fractures.
not the way to go.

worried about you alecko.
take care.
may God watch over you.

unforgivingheart (?)

maybe im paranoid
maybe im precautioning
maybe im still scared it might happen again
maybe its cause i still cant let go.. [[it hurt..
maybe its cause i dont like your tone. your enthusiasm. both of yours.

[idontwanttobelieveit.]

trust trust trust.
hard to even say now.

......trust. is how i got into it all along.. if only i didnt trust so much then.
......amnesia. would be wonderful when it comes to this..
yet ...trust. is what i need to get through..

r e s p e c t ♪

gossip i try to avoid and not make a habit of,
which you seem to be fond of and wish to practice
on me. about me. breaks me - piece by piece.
starting from the heart, where i have you.
you mean so much to me. or should.
why you do this. i dont understand.

im sure you love me. you tell me so.
but if you love me, why do you do this to me?
why do you think it helps?
when clearly it doesnt help.
i both shown to you and told you so!

whatever you say or ask, whether reasonable or not.
you expect me to fall to my knees in obedience.
yet you cant seem to respond or even consider a human right
which i persistently ask for you to grant me - respect.
respect for me. my privacy. my life.
yet you have to constantly peer over my shoulder
trying to see what your eyes werent invited to see.
its nothing you need to know. i told you that. and more than once.
why must you still do so?
ps. thanks for trusting me.

why do you judge someone you dont know.
why do you blame things on people in my life. - when you've got no idea.

*reactions arent because of other people other than the situation at hand.


i only as for respect. and respect ill return.

ode to "nvm, w/e"

the feeling in my chest; i just cant explain -
when someone you care for, just causes you pain..
its almost like the more i love thee
the less it takes for you hurt me..
the little things you simply dont want to tell -
i feel. and always will it dwell
in my mind and heart will it remain,
growing with worry and concern; driving me insane.
Feeling like im unworthy to know,
waiting for your reply that seems like ages ago.
perhaps because its in text and i cant tell...
but after reading and reading again, i foretell
thats everything isnt just "fine" but you just wont tell.
what you dont know is that it drives me worried and scared as hell...
i pray that this will stop, habits like this -
because i can not and will not dismiss.
but please, will it dive down to the endless abyss.
as there it will stay as i live here in our sweet kiss.
also where im truely alive am i in your kiss;
praying i dont wake up only finding myself in a reminisce.

through all this, and even a black eye and a war cry.
i can and will never even think of goodbye.

the feeling in my chest; i just cant explain -
when someone you care for, just causes you pain..

sweetpeaa

i never thought there would be someone that cared for me this much
that they would go and sacrifice things in their life that they dont need to.
--just trying to make my day a more specialer one..

birthdays were never a big thing in my life,
never was it really celebrated,
never did anyone really try to do anything for it..

accidentally hearing what youre trying to do so much
seeing you breaking your habits in hopes to get it done
your effort
the heart you put into it
is enough.

and is so afriggindorkable of you sweetpeaa!


thankyous for whatever it is you have in mindd..
and.. goodluck? : S




♥ ilalaloveyoubooo : )

sweet six months

{{... august 23rd, 2008 - forever&everbabe... }}

its been six months as just US -
equivalent to half a whole year.
youve taught to me trust
even though there were tears

there were always more smiles to wipe them away
just like a rainbow after the storm

there were yelling and screaming (but mostly from me.. )
we'd get through it all
ending closer from where we started

praying that we'd only grow closer and stronger

when it isnt easy, we'll fight our way through -
nothings easy, but i want to keep this. and you.





happysixmonthsbabe ♥ ily
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
PS> [teehee, in the whole poetry mood as im working on my poetryproject, note first and last stanzaaaa~]

'got no heart to say it elsewhere.. but really - get a clue.

prying. just prying into everything that you dont know about.
that you dont need to know about.
you dont like it when people go on and on pressuring you to tell them things that you dont want to share.
why do it yourself?

its caused me alone. enough stress.
ive had my share, if not more.
if i feel this way - im sure others would feel alike.
because i refuse to let you prying through my life,
you pry at other sources that might just be involved ? !
why do you want to know? cause i just dont see you caring very much.
i dont want to be involved in the gossip what you spread.
dont tell me that youd keep it to yourself when i happen to tell you so.
cause i havent seen you do it.

if you havent got a clue.
heres one. : stop trying to find out things in my life that you feel would be a juicy story.
and you. im not scared of you. dont try to blackmail me with it either.

im sick of it. and you.
i just simply dont quite trust you.

oddly with that docking close at bay. i still seem to care for you. story of a stupid retard.

prayers are miracles & miracles come from prayer

i prayed for you continuously. passionately and kinda disparately..
that you'd grow in faith,
that God would reach to you,
even when parents restrict.
He works in mysterious ways that no one can stop.
using His children, or doing it himself.
i believe prayers were powerful, He does listen.
--and this goes to show!

i even prayed for your meals that youd eat, that it'd bless your body.. and i hope that it did and does.. and that youd be safe, always : )
note to you: i love it when you pray, even when you think youre not good, im so proud of you, makes me so happy.. [two.in.a.rowww]

dear heavenly father. i just thankyou for these huge miracles youve done in his life recently and i know you've got more to come.. work in him Lord, i know he has much to show and learn on his journey with You. help him grow to you more and more.. now id just like to request that you'd free our schedules a little bit so we can spend a little bit more time in each others presence... i know itd mean a whole lot to the both of us...
amen.

wish i can do it for you

i dont want to help anymore.
im doing it for him.
not for you.
though i wish i can do it for you.
just cause i s h o u l d --
but not that i want to.

seeing that you dont appreciate it.
appreciat me.
i can see through the likes...
dont lie.
dont act.

ive had enough,
your presence stresses me
and i cant even for a smile on for you without really struggling.

must i say that this is not the definition of friendship.

bit of w i s d o m for you

from the wise old Bible : )

James 1:2-4 (New International Version)

Trials and Temptations

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Romans 8:18 (New International Version)

Future Glory

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

l o s s

i hate loosing people in my life.
and im aware of the strength of the word hate
but i know that they arent always meant to stay.
wasting time on people who dont seem to appreciate it or bother returning the favor--
i heard once.
and i admit, i kinda agree...
that it isnt about how long ive known the person. but how long and much they are there for me.
that really matters.
how can i deny whats true?
why do i fight for all these friendships because its 'a waste to loose such a long friendship'

but can my stubborn heart let go? i feel so bad letting go
it is what i should really be doing? i try to help out here and there, but i can see its not appreciated. not from her.
i dont really.. mind going through all this, if its worth it.
--but is it?

its late. dads going to kill me if i dont sleep now.

s m : ) e

the reasons for the upward curve spread upon my face

so widely i smile because of you
seeing you.
the thought of you.
simply you.

please keep a smile upon your own sweet face
as it not only makes me smile widely
but lightens my heart to see you happy.
whatever it is you feel, i feel the same
share the your joy and pain, and ill return the favor

youre in heart
implanted there deeply, slowing growing together
how passionately you stand by my side no matter what it is im standing for--

never felt nothing in the world like this before
now im missing you
apart time slows
feeling as if it had come to a dead stop
dragging to rather painful extents

as for the moments we spend together,
truely does time learn to fly

brush those frustrations off your shoulders and s m : ) e
wait for me, so ill take a share of the troubles away//


imu♥

music box

im the box
youre the music within

youve simply become the music in my heart
opened, the box sings, with a ballerina spinning with a joyous heart.
music, you've lightened the isolated ballerina's life that inhabited a silent still box
i, a ballerina's life, now shines full spectrum.

im the box
youre the music within


- -- --- ---- ----- ----- ------ -------- --------- ---------- -----------
my favorite song
my fairytale
my fantasy dream

your loves got me weak in the knees
just cant see me without you
without you in my life..
with this i plead that you'd stay;

never in this world have felt this way
how its just a little bit more then i can stand when youre away
and lastly the three words ill save for spoken words//

baby but remember this, --I will wait for you
no matter what it is you have to do..
im here to support you, here to encourage you
cause I don't know what else i can do...

choose wisely. i shouldnt be a reason that alters the results of your decision--



i♥u

{love.faith.trust}

{love.faith.trust}

so easier said than done.
i cant do it.
not with --

makes me break out a cold sweat
feel sick in the stomach.
wtc.

why cant i get over it.
what is with this.
icantcontrolit.

my heart wont let go..